just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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