A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
