he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
