Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
