genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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