I cockslap morals
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
