This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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