You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
