Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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