sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
