There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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