it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
