I am spending my child support on dildos
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
