My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
