Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize