Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
