After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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