I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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