Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
