The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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