She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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