Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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