We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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