Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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