You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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