I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
