I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
