Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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