Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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