she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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