Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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