Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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