the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
