incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
