thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
