She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
