I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize