so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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