I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
