we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
