Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
