she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
