textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize