My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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