i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
