she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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