he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
