your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my vagina is haunted
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
