Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
