bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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