So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
