I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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