she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
