I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
