Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
