If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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