I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
