Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
