No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think my mom watched the whole time
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
