I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
