I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
