the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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