Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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