i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
